It was still hard to believe. Our third IVF attempt had actually resulted in 2 normal embryos which meant I would finally be able to have an embryo transfer.  This was the last step in science magic that could lead to a pregnancy.

It was perfect timing to get the news right before Rosh Hashanah begin.  As I stood in shul with Marc, my parents and my sister, I knew we were all praying just a little bit harder.  I prayed that this would be our year, our miracle, our baby.  I saw other new moms walking their babies around shul for “show and tell” and watched as my father would play peek-a-boo with them and my mother would smile and grab their tiny little feet.  I tried to picture what the following year might be like.  Would we have a new baby to celebrate the holiday with? More tears. More prayers.  More hope than ever before.

Even though I wasn’t having another egg retrieval, the morning monitoring was just as frequent.  My estrogen and progesterone levels had to be perfect and the lining of uterus had to be just right to welcome, implant and keep an embryo growing.  I was on estrogen pills and progesterone shots daily and took each dose with a splash of positivity mixed in for luck.

My acupuncture appointments were scheduled and were providing me with 30 minutes of calm each time.  Did they help? Well, they hadn’t pushed the needle in my favor any of the previous times, but they sure helped me relax and for that, I was willing to pay $95.00 a session.  Peace of mind is not cheap!  Between the injections and acupuncture, it was no surprise my father nicknamed me “Pin Cushion Pamela.”

With October in sight, we were only days away from our transfer.  We were cautiously optimistic but we had made a decision to keep this round of IVF and this transfer significantly more private than the previous rounds.  Not only was it heartbreaking each time for us, but every relative, in-law, friend and colleague I had to share bad news with, took it hard and I just couldn’t deal with that sad faces and sympathy again.  This time only my parents, my sister and my best friends knew the deal.  It was all I could handle.